Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
