You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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