yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
