it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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