i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Randomize
