just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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