worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
