i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
