omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
