dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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