just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
