who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
