I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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