If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
