You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
