You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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