We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
