I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
porn star boner night. come get it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
