I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
