ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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