You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
