Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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