There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
