problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
