Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
