my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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