This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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