ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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