sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
