sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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