The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
