i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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