Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
