A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
