We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
