Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
