season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
