I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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