very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Randomize
