he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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