I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
