I should be sponsored by Trojan
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
