Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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