just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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