Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
