got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
