I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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