if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He shit in the fireplace
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
