Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
tequila makes me forget i have legs
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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