yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
